I love fashion, so my attention was instantly drawn to an article I found on the internet last week on dressing to look younger. Who doesn’t want to look younger?
But when I got into the details, I discovered that many of the suggestions for using clothing to turn back the clock don’t work for us slightly older chicks.
One tip, for example, was that I stop wearing baggy clothes and emphasize my waistline with a belt to give myself a figure. Well, I might do that if I could find my waistline. I have a general idea of where it used to be, but a roll of something else seems to be there right now that a belt sort of disappears into.
Another article suggested that to look younger and hipper, I could emphasize my waistline by shucking my long tops and tucking my blouse into my pants. However, the author of the article, who appeared to be about 17, failed to tell me what to do with my hips. Somehow, I don’t look hip with my hips unmasked, I just look hippier. There’s a difference. In her photo that accompanied the article, the author didn’t seem to have hips at all so I’m not sure she’s an expert on camouflaging those appendages.
She also suggested that we look younger if we swap out our oversized handbags for mini bags. But she didn’t tell me where I’m supposed to keep my bottles of lotion, my hairspray, my rain hat, my bag of Cheetos and my chihuahua’s sweater in a tiny purse.
Another author said I would look younger if I “lighten up my makeup.” Oh great. Just as I have more to cover, she wants me to use less makeup.
I could also “match classic fashion pieces with edgy modern pieces.” I’m not sure I have any “edgy” pieces, unless you count those knit joggers that drew up a little too much in the wash. I guess I could buy some combat boots to pair with my joggers, but I think people will just look at me funny when I go to Piggly Wiggly and mutter to their friends, “Bless her heart. That pore ole bag lady over there had to wear them ugly boots with them shrunk up pants somebody give her.”
Speaking of footwear, one article instructed me to “relieve the seriousness of classic pieces by wearing sneakers with them.” At my age wearing sneakers with my two-piece pantsuit may not say young. I’m afraid it will say, “Oops! I had a senior moment and forgot to change my shoes when I left the gym!”
Besides, I hate sneakers. They make your feet look even bigger than they are with all that rubber sole sticking out. Sneakers, or tennis shoes, are for the gym, as far as I’m concerned, or when I’m forced to walk a long way to look for more Tums and Metamucil in the store. As a fashion statement, I’d just as soon have a pair of 20 pound black orthopedic shoes Velcroed to my feet as tie on a pair of sneakers.
Another young Gen X blogger reminded me that “pointed toe shoes are sleeker than round toe shoes and take years off your appearance by elongating your legs.”
Well, yeah, but my feet aren’t pointed. They are decidedly rounded on the ends. I already have damage from shoving my round-toed feet into my pointed-toed shoes back in the days when I didn’t know better, and I’m not ready or able to do that again. Cuteness counts for alot, but comfort is beginning to count for something too.
One suggestion I found amusing was that I should not always wear long sleeves. Older women do slip into that habit in order to cover things that time has done to their arms. I’m not admitting to being one of these “older women,” but I do prefer longer sleeves these days. The article said it would be perfectly all right to wear short sleeves or even sleeveless garments occasionally if I so choose.
Okay, sweetie, I’ll go sleeveless, but I would suggest that you not stand too close to one of those arms if I’m waving bye-bye. You could get knocked out with all that swinging and swaying!
And, of course, all the authors of these lists of tips for dressing for a youthful look were no older than 30 and no heavier than 100 pounds, as far as I could tell. They may know fashion, but they don’t really have the experience to tell you which shoes to wear to ease your bunions or what color goes best with wrinkled skin. In 30 more years, they may have more insight into how to help me, if I’m still around.
I did find one suggestion that I liked and could adopt as a fashion creed. Its author said, “I think what really matters when trying to look younger is how we interact with the world -- never stop being passionate about new things, travel and being interested in many things.”
Well, I certainly interact with the world every chance I get. I love new things and I’m interested in many things. Hey! With my good attitude, I can look younger without having to buy combat boots, and nobody will look at me funny when I go to the Pig!
I’m feeling younger already!
