As a child I don’t remember ever writing a letter to Santa Claus. I mean, he was Santa! He obviously knew what I wanted because I got it every year without the cost of a postage stamp!
As an adult, I continued the practice of just thinking about what I wanted, knowing he would pick up on it. Then, I started this column, and it gave me a chance to contact Santa without buying a stamp. He continued to bring me just what I had been dreaming of because he read it right here in my yearly Christmas column.
This difficult year, my wishes are not for things I want Santa to bring, they are for things I want Santa to take away. I hope Santa is reading.
Dear Santa,
This year I’ll be happy if you just take COVID-19 away with you as you turn your sleigh back toward the North Pole. Bury it in a snowbank somewhere up there on your back 40, behind the Reindeer Barn. Take all the masks, the fever monitors, the daily virus reports and the hand sanitizers with you. If I never smell sanitizer again, I will be happier than I was the year you brought me the Salad Slinger!
Then you can take all the Zoom meetings and virtual classroom and computer lessons that kids aren’t learning from. We want our face-to face meetings back where people are wearing real clothes instead of pajamas. We want real school back! We want our kids to achieve something!
Gather up all the politicians and organizations who hate America, put big bows around their necks, and deliver them to the countries they want us to imitate. One big shipment of these folks could be dropped off in Venezuela, a once prosperous nation that socialism has ruined. Another load could go to China, where they can see how they like the restrictions of a communist nation. Maybe Hunter Biden could go in this group.
Take another load of the violent protesters who led riots in America’s cities this year. They won’t mind the travel out of the country. They are used to being shipped into towns by George Soros, who paid them to create the anarchy he wants for the whole country. They set fires, then encouraged the locals to loot their own local businesses so that they could get on TV, all in the name of Black Lives Mattering. If Black Lives Mattered, maybe the professional protesters would have left the cities alone so that these folks would have a place to go to work and earn a living the next day.
Load the meddling Mr. Soros up with you when you go. Oh, I know you don’t want these professional trouble makers at the North Pole either, Santa, but I think a few months buried in snow would cool them off a little.
Why not take Facebook and Twitter and all those social media organizations with you while you’re gathering up offenders against society?
While they may have been established with the best intentions for communication, they have become platforms that promote violence, slander and libel, hate and misinformation. And after Biden takes office, the House plans to introduce legislation that protects these media “outlets” from lawsuits when their posts damage people. I mean, it’s the least Biden can do to pay them back for all the money they contributed to getting him elected. Please remove these threats to personal safety and liberty from us before they do more damage.
I am also asking you to take the animal abusers out of society to spend a year at the North Pole on reindeer duty. They might learn some compassion from 365 days of cleaning up reindeer poop and feeding Rudolph and the Gang. And if you’ll share what you know about these people with your 4-legged sleigh-pullers--that these abusers kick and starve animals, that they tie them to trees and leave them for days at a time, that they throw them out of cars in strange neighborhoods to fend for themselves-- I’m sure Donner and Blitzen won’t hesitate to inflict a little abuse of their own. A few swift kicks of the reindeer hooves to the backside and a couple of extra piles of poop might be just enough to teach these abusers that animals have feelings.
While you’re at it, take the litterers away along with the abusers. Neither group has any regard for the world they’re sharing with animals and other people, so they obviously won’t mind losing their right to live here with the rest of us. You can grab up a bunch of litterers right here in Simpson County! Just follow the trail of drink cups, chicken buckets and hamburger wrappers along any of our county roads.
Santa, I know this is a lot to ask you to do, but you’re Santa--you make dreams come true! I’ll be happy if you just remove some problems rather than bringing me more stuff this year.
Your Friend,
Donna
