President Joe Biden seems to hate being interviewed by the press. Even though the interviews are carefully set up by his handlers, the questioners determined and the questions and answers are carefully scripted beforehand, he is easily disoriented. If a non-approved reporter happens to pop an un-prescribed question before Biden can abruptly end the interview and slip behind the curtain, he gets upset.
Yesterday my dogs, Buddy the Chihua-mutt and Betsy the Shih’tzu Wannabe, told me they’d like to interview the prez. Most people don’t know it, but my dogs have a pretty good working knowledge of politics and they can talk when they want to.
So they told me they’d like to ask Joe some questions that the liberal press won’t ask. They said they thought he might feel less threatened by two pups who wouldn’t be 3 feet tall if you stacked one on top of the other. And they barely weigh 20 pounds standing on the scale together.
I began to wonder what would be said in such an interview.
Buddy, the more aggressive Type-A personality would begin, I think.
“First, Mr. President, I can see your socks well from down here and I don’t like them.”
“Me neither,” Betsy would chime in.
And the prez would say, “I don’t have to take this! This interview is over!”
Buddy would say, “Hold on. We’re not threatening you, just giving you the facts. But I would like to ask you about the inflatables going on in our country right now.”
“Buddy,” Betsy would whisper, “not inflatables. They’re for kids’ parties. It’s inflation!”
“Oh, yeah,” Buddy would say. “I don’t know what you call it, but I know it means that everything is costing more because your party’s handling of business has sent prices skyrocketing. From our canine point of view, that means our dogfood and our treats cost more, so we aren’t getting the good stuff anymore. Mom and Dad are buying us Brand X food so they can afford peanut butter for themselves. What are you gonna do about it?”
“Why would I answer that question for two Deplorable Dogs?” the prez would answer. “Next question?”
“Deplorable Dogs? Watch your mouth! Or at least call us something original,” Betsy demands. “That ‘deplorable’ bit was Hillary’s line.” Then, looking at her notes, Betsy begins.
“At the climate conference in Scotland this week you said we’re going to eliminate greenhouse gases by 2035. That would mean eliminating the oil and gas industry. So, uh, how did you get from America to Glasgow for the conference? Did you save the environment by swimming or flying on an electric jet? Jet fuel contaminates the atmosphere, ya know.”
“Well, of course I didn’t,” says Biden. “My time is too valuable to use those slow methods. Swimming would be for unimportant people, er, dogs like you, and I wouldn’t trust an electric airplane. To be honest for once, climate control is one of those ‘good for thee but not for me’ issues our party loves so much.”
“Hey watch it, Joe!” Buddy barks. “An ‘unimportant guy’ like me can have your presidential socks unraveled here in a heartbeat!”
“Besides,” Betsy adds, “we know you’re just barking about climate control to take people’s minds off the other big problems we’re having, like the rise in murder rates, control of our free speech and foisting that Critical Race Theory on our schools. I’ll have you know, I’m a proud Shih-Tzu and I won’t apologize for it! Now what about all that?”
“Next question,” says the prez, ignoring what he can’t answer.
“I’ve got one,” Buddy says. “What about paying people not to work? That means our dogfood and treats don’t get delivered and there may be nobody to do Betsy’s grooming. And she really needs grooming! We know you’re just hooking people on federal handouts so they’ll have to obey everything the feds say to keep getting paid.“
“Obey? I have to warn you,” Betsy interjects, “I flunked obedience school.”
And Sleepy Joe will come back -- “I’m not worried about you two. I don’t care what you think because according to my advisors, dogs can’t vote.”
“Why not,” Betsy asks. “You’re letting all the other immigrants vote. You may not have noticed, but as an almost Shih-tzu, I’m from China, and Buddy is a Chihuahua, which means he’s from Mexico. We’re your favorite folks -- undocumented immigrants! So in addition to voting, we want all the other free stuff you’re handing out to the other immigrants -- welfare, free healthcare, free education...all that stuff.”
“Don’t go too far, Bets,” Buddy mutters. “I don’t want a free education. I didn’t do too well in school. And you know ‘free healthcare’ means shots in the butt for us.”
The interview might have gone on longer, but about that time, Mr. Biden drifted off to dream land...again.
