At a wedding last weekend, I ran into my friend John Crout from Martinville. Referring to my column last week on dogs adopting people, he said that I should stop writing about dogs and write more about politics.
What John doesn’t know is that I have some very political dogs who carry on insightful political conversations at home all the time.
Buddy the Chihua-Mutt and Betsy the Shih-tzu Wanna-be watch a lot of TV at our house, or at least they listen to it, being too short to see much from the floor.
The other day Betsy asked Buddy, “What is this Hippo Crissy I keep hearing about on TV? Is it a cartoon? I love cartoons!”
Buddy puzzled it over for a minute, then snapped, “No, idiot! You aren’t hearing it right. The TV guys are saying ‘hypocrisy,’ not ‘Hippo Crissy’!”
“Well, Smarty, what’s that hypocrisy then? Is IT a cartoon?”
“No, dummy, hypocrisy is when somebody says one thing and does the opposite,” Buddy explained.
“Oh,” Betsy said, “like when Mom says ‘I’ll feed you in just a minute’ and it’s an hour later?”
Buddy thought again, his chihuahua ears twitching with the effort. “No, it’s like when they tell us to eat our Doggy Doodles ‘cause they’re good for us, but you never see them eat a Doggy Doodle, do you?”
“Now that I think of it...” Betsy says, “you’re right, Buddy. If people say something is good for us, it ought to be good for them. If they say it’s bad for us to do, they shouldn’t do it either. So that’s hypocrisy then.”
“Yeah,” says Buddy. “They talk about it all the time on TV. Like that movie maker guy Steven Spielberg. He’s always shouting about people using too much oil and causing global warming and saying it’s bad. But this morning I heard that he has spent over $126,000 this summer on jet fuel for his private jet that flies him all over the world, spewing jet exhaust into the air.”
“I get it!” Betsy barked. “It’s like all those mayors and political leaders who voted to defund the police in their towns. Then when somebody robs their house or threatens them on the street, the first thing they do is call the police! So that’s Hippo Crissy—I mean hypocrisy!”
“And I think the police should just tell them that no officers are working that night because they don’t have enough money to pay them, and maybe wish them good luck subduing the robbers themselves,” says Hank the Fluffy Dog from next door, who has walked up and joined the conversation by this time.
“Yeah,” agrees his friend, Duke the Black Lab, who has also walked over. “Hey! I know some more hypocrites— those politicians who want to take all the guns away from citizens like our moms and dads, but they hire squads of pistol totin’ body guards to protect their own ‘valuable’ lives. Our moms’ and dads’ lives aren’t valuable, I guess.”
“Oo Oo!” yelps Cody, who has trotted down from upper Old Magee. “And what about the government building a wall around Biden’s beach house that’s going to cost taxpayers half a million bucks? He thinks he deserves protection, but he doesn’t think the border states that are being overrun by illegal immigrants need a wall! That’s what I call hypocrisy!”
“Right on, Cody,” says Buddy. “Speaking of illegals, that Democratic mayor of New York City, Eric Adams, is squealing like a stuck pig because Texas Governor Greg Abbot has loaded up about 2000 illegal immigrants and hauled them to New York after they landed in Texas. I guess he thinks if the Democrats won’t stop them from coming in, maybe they would like a few in their own cities. Instead of gratefully receiving the newcomers, though, Mayor Adams is screaming about how ‘unfair and un-American’ it is to bring 2000 illegals to the Big Apple. ‘We do not have the resources to take care of these people!’ he’s saying about the biggest city in the country. Reckon he thinks the small towns of Eagle Pass, Texas and Tucson, Arizona do have the resources to take care of the thousands of people showing up there every month.”
“Ohh,” Betsy says, dreamily. “I love resources— like chicken and hamburger! And I’d eat some Big Apples too!”
“That’s beside the point,” Cody growls. “The problem is that progressives think ‘it’s okay for thee, but not for me.’ They write rules to control us, but they think they are above the rules.”
“Don’t they know that even us dogs see what they’re doing?” Hank asks.
Then Buddy notices that Betsy is busy tapping the TV remote with her paw. “And what are you doing, Fuzz Face?” he asks.
“I’m looking for that channel with the Crissy the Hippo cartoon on it,” she says. “I need some comic relief from all this mess.”
Buddy groans. “Oh, man, I think her brain has gone progressive!”
