It is time for a little humor at my expense and that is okay.
I mentioned at the first of the year the need to lose a little weight. Actually, as my wife Nancy says, it is more than just a little.
So I have been on a diet since January 4 and have thus far lost 8 pounds. But now it is as though I have hit a snag and the weight is not coming off as quickly as I would like, even though, as Nancy said, I drink water until I slosh around.
But one episode really drove the need to get thinner this time. I have been needing to get the lights on my trailer rewired. I brought the trailer home and parked it with one set of wheels on the curb, hoping that would give me a bit more room to crawl under it. My thought was that with one side higher I could scoot underneath a bit better. The problem was that the street has been resurfaced so many times that it was now as high as the top of the curb. Anyhow, I figured I could still do this.
So after work one day I got on my back and started sliding under the trailer. I had my staple gun to tack the wires so they would not drag and to prevent them from being snagged and not working. Mind you, it still gets dark early after work these days.
I started moving about an inch at a time, but I was tacking along the way trying not to cut wire with the staples. I get half way where the two axles drop down another couple of inches. It’s getting quite snug under there.
By this time the sun had set. Remember, I am parked on the street so I can see headlights. I think, well, at least people are passing by. Worst case scenario, somebody could pull the truck forward to get the trailer off of me if I do, in fact, get stuck. All this time I’m trying to get enough room to squeeze the stapler to staple.
When you can’t move it is difficult to hold the stapler flat and squeeze the handle. I finally made it to the end and started worming out from under the trailer. The problem was that the sides have channel steel that sticks down six inches lower. I was able to get my head and shoulders through but then came the stomach, which seemed to stick out a lot farther than it should.
There I am, stuck under the trailer in the road in the dark. I can’t back out but I know the trailer can be pulled forward. And, no, the wife has not come to check on me.
I remembered that as a kid I could suck my stomach in to make me smaller, but now it was way past that. I tried to lift the trailer a little to allow me to squeeze out--not happening.
I finally realized that no one was going to stop to assist the squirming man in the street. It did not matter now whether the wife came out or not. My only option was to scrape myself between the trailer and the road. I grabbed the side rail and started pulling. Man, what I would have given for a little lard to grease myself up!
I finally was able to free myself and get out from under the trailer. Nancy comes out of the house calling my name. “Are you okay?” she asked. “Sure,” I responded.
Some good came from this--I realized I need to lose about two inches of thickness before crawling back under a trailer. So we are going to be on this diet for a bit longer.
Have a great week, and about the trailer lights, after all my effort, they only worked on one side. Go figure.
