With the clock ticking down to a new year, I’m hurrying to complete my annual list of New Year’s Resolutions. The word “resolution,” however, implies great self-discipline, a quality that I’m tired of having to generate.
So this year I’m taking a new tack with my resolutions. I’m resolving to do things that don’t take all that teeth-gritting, gut-wrenching resolve. And as a bonus, these goals can improve my life physically, financially and emotionally, as resolutions are supposed to do.
And why do resolutions have to be so hard to achieve?
Dieting doesn’t work well for me,so I’m making an easier resolution based on what does work. Resolution #1: I will eat more in 2025. I have one of those bodies that always wants to weigh more than it does. Doctors tell us, “Listen to your body!” I did, and I heard it say “Gain 20 pounds. It will make up for your being so short.”
So look out, Pete’s Pizzeria! I’ll take a large three-topping with cheese bread on the side! Pass the saturated fat and refined sugar! By the end of 2025, I am resolving to be right where my body has always wanted to be— in the dressing room at Gerdy’s House of Girth!
Resolution #2 should help with my weight-gain plan: I resolve to exercise LESS in 2025.
My current exercise regime takes time as well as discipline. And all those leg lifts and lunges could give me a heart attack. So, to prevent further damage (especially since I’ll have more to damage if my weight-gain plan works), I’m giving up exercise.
From now on, I’ve got dibs on the TV remote. I’ll sit in my rolling chair at work and at home to prevent unnecessary walking that uses up precious calories. I’ll stop cleaning upstairs rooms so I won’t have to climb up there. A body at rest is a happy body!
As I’m giving my body what it craves, I plan to do the same favor for my emotions. Resolution #3: I will VENT more in 2025.
In psycho-babble, “venting” is saying what you think, regardless of others’ reactions. I’m already pretty good at that, but I normally try to control it a bit. I refrain from telling people when I think they’re doing something stupid. I just think it.
But psychologists tell us that repressing our emotions can lead to serious emotional issues, so I’m giving up restraint.
In 2025 I’ll snap at my two dogs when I feel like it. These undisciplined mutts will have the experience of living with the new uncorked me! They will learn that kind of instant obedience that has so far escaped them, and I will avoid clogging up my emotions!
Bolstered by all this physical and emotional self-improvement, I will progress to improving my attitude about spending. Therefore, Resolution #4: I will spend more money in 2025 and worry less about it.
Born to Depression Era parents, I absorbed their guilt at spending money. I’m one of those people who breaks out in a cold sweat every time I write a check for over $20, and I get a little damp when the amount gets to $10. But no more!
To free myself from financial guilt, I will skip the after-Christmas and the pre-inventory sales and go straight for the new, full price spring clothes. I will charge more purchases at the going 23 percent interest rate. Maybe I’ll let those bills pile up for a couple of months before I open them. Staring at my late charges should really test my resolve to let go of financial worry, but do I want to be a wimpy, compulsive checkbook balancer all my life? NO!
Though come to think of it, I haven’t balanced that checkbook in several months now so I’m off to a good start.
Speaking of being compulsive, another fault that I hope to conquer this year is my desire to be organized. I have always wanted objects in their proper place and my work and activities carefully planned out. I’m always re-organizing my closet and re-arranging my schedule to fit more in.
But organization takes time and effort, and I’ve decided it’s a highly over-rated life skill. So, Resolution #6: I promise to be LESS organized in 2025.
I’ll learn to accept things out of place, like keeping my keys in the bread drawer or leaving my summer and winter clothes all mixed up. With our crazy Mississippi weather, I have to switch back and forth anyway. And why can’t the dogs’ ear medicine go in my jewelry box? When I put on my earrings, I’ll remember to squirt meds in their ears!
Okay. I have my list of resolutions for 2025. I’m already more relaxed. But I already see that if I have the same kind of luck keeping them that I had keeping the ones I made in 2024, it looks like I’ll be the same old me for the next 365 days: an un-vented, financially anxious, disgustingly over-organized person limping out to drive to aerobics two days a week.
If I can remember that I left my car keys in the bread drawer, that is.
