I was in a shoe store this weekend trying on the world’s cutest shoes.
“I think these will fit just fine if I cut my toenails,” I muttered to myself, turning this way and that, scraping my toes against the ends of my too-short shoes.
“It’s more important to look good than to feel good,” I theorized, pulling out my debit card.
I bought the shoes. When I tried them on at home in the cold, clear light of day, I realized that I would not only have to cut my toenails, I’d have to cut an inch off my big toes to be comfortable in them.
But I would look cute— except for the big bandages swelling out the ends of the shoes.
It’s called rationalization, which Mr. Webster defines as “causing something to seem reasonable when it is not,” or “providing plausible but untrue reasoning for conduct.”
No one likes to appear unreasonable. We don’t want to say that we bought something unusable or took an absolutely foolish action for no good reason. So we made up a reason that sounds logical and acceptable.
Rationalization, as it happens, is my favorite shopping technique!
I have bought outfits that I tell myself would be perfect to wear to a garden party or my book signing or a climb up Mount Everest. Except that I live in the South, where it’s always too hot or rainy or buggy for garden parties. And I haven’t written any books to sign, and the only climbing I do is onto a barstool to eat my Little Debbies.
I’ve purchased necklaces that had lost a rhinestone or two in their transition from the full-price rack to the 75 percent off rack, but I think, Well, I’ll find another rhinestone at the craft store and glue it in, or I’ll just stand farther away from people when I wear it so the hole won’t be noticeable.
So I’m rationalizing, giving myself a reasonable explanation for something unreasonable I want to do, like buy an Everest-climbing outfit because it’s on sale and it’s my favorite color, or I want to believe I will find the right rhinestone and repair a cheap, damaged necklace.
What’s really going on is that I feel smart when I find a bargain. Leaving it behind seems wasteful, even though in the back of my mind there’s a niggling doubt that I will ever be able to wear it, which I distract myself from by pulling out my debit card.
I’ve heard other women say things like, “I bought those pants because I can wear them when I lose 20 pounds, and they’ll look great with my sweater!”
Of course, they haven’t lost a pound in 20 years and are actually going in the other direction on the scale. But they like the idea of how the pants would look if they could squeeze into them. They rationalize because the purchase makes them feel as if they could lose weight and might really start a diet soon. Or sometime.
Rationalization is probably okay if all you’re doing is bringing home short shoes or tight pants. It’s not so okay if you’re making major life decisions by the process of rationalization.
I know girls who have married guys who were obviously on a one-way road to Parchman. These hopeful girls will tell you that they know Romeo has problems but that “he will change once we’re married.” Oh yeah. That works.
I’ve heard guys rationalize that their fiancee’s mothers are terrors that they can’t stand, but that they just know their sweet girls won’t turn out like Mom-zilla. Even though Sweetie is already giving him Mom-zilla’s evil squint occasionally.
Some rationalize their loss of job after job by saying that the boss didn’t like them (all five of your bosses?), their co-workers were stupid (all of them?) and whoever heard of having to be at work on time every day? “Man, I just can’t catch a break!”
Other young workers don’t start saving or putting money into retirement early enough because they rationalize that “I deserve to have a good time now, not worry about saving money for my old age.” Except that old age enters and the paycheck exits way before they expect it.
We rationalize on our diets: “One little piece of pie won’t hurt!” But we say that over one little piece of cake the next day and one little tub of ice cream the next because it makes us believe we aren’t really digging our graves with our teeth.
We don’t make that doctor’s appointment because we think we may feel a little better today. We don’t tell our loved ones we’re sorry about our bad behavior because we’re waiting for a time when we really feel sorry and that’s “not yet.”
Rationalization is a great motivator for trimming your toenails, but get reasonable before you marry a loser or cut off your big toe.
