A few days back I caught myself laughing off something that would have put me in orbit 20 years ago. Hmm, I thought, I’ve really changed the way I see things.
I used to get excited about projects in the house. I looked forward to a carpenter coming to saw through a wall to put in a new door or tear out the kitchen to redo it. No project was too big to tackle!
Now my idea of a project too big to tackle is cooking a meal and cleaning up afterwards. It’s not laziness, it’s just learning that some things aren’t worth spending my energy on.
When I was young, I was always looking for something fun and exciting to do — a date with Mr. Wonderful, a big event to attend, a dance! I’m sure my parents got sick of my typical teenager’s lament — “I’m sooo bored” when the fun ran low. These days I’d gladly skip any big event for a night in the den watching Brit Box shows with my husband and our two dogs. I haven’t used the word bored in years.
We do change the way we see things as we age.
But a changed viewpoint is not a result of age so much as a result of the experiences we’ve had over the years we’ve lived.
Years of experience with real life show you that, well, life is real. It’s not a romance, it’s not a place where 30 minutes of conflict brings you to a happy and satisfying conclusion as on the The Andy Griffith Show. There’s a certain peace in accepting the fact that all problems can’t be solved on earth and that things won’t always turn out your way. You just have to accept that different way.
When we were young, we thought love conquered all and was the only thing that mattered. Seeing couples who vowed they would love each other forever, then fall apart 10 years later over interfering in-laws, money trouble or irritating habits corrected that romantic belief.
When I was young, I believed in rebels (not just the Ole Miss kind), the Age of Aquarius when everything would be perfect for everybody, and the Beatles as the best band ever.
As I lived longer and saw more of life, I discovered that lots of “rebels” were just spoiled brats seeking attention and the Age of Aquarius isn’t coming until mankind decides to love his neighbor more than himself. And that hasn’t happened yet. I’m still pretty sure about the Beatles, though.
Young people think that “someone,” probably the government, should solve all of society’s problems and that “everyone” deserves to live just as they want to with no interference. I think that’s called a mutually exclusive proposition — you can’t have both.
Many young people, largely because of their inexperience with life, will tell you that they are political liberals. Sir Winston Churchill said, “If you aren’t a liberal at 20, you have no heart. If you aren’t a conservative at 40 you have no brain.”
He meant that the liberal idea of government solving all problems while leaving everyone alone is an idea of the heart. It can’t happen, but it’s a nice fantasy for kids to believe for awhile.
As we age, we learn that just living requires us to accept some responsibility for ourselves and expect responsible behavior from others. That’s called conservatism, and Churchill thought we’d learn that truth by the age of 40.
When you’re young, it’s hard not to think you know everything. After all, you’re in school, and your instructors are teaching you all the world’s truth and everything you will ever need to know.
So during the teen years it hits most of us how dumb our parents are. Everything they say, everything they believe, everything they teach us is so stupid! How can they believe all that stuff they try to tell us when we’ve learned all the real truth by the age of 16?
Mark Twain said that when he was a teenager, his father was just about the dumbest man he knew. Then he added, “It’s amazing how much my father had learned by the time I was 21.” Of course, it was Twain, not his dad, who had wised up.
Hopefully, that’s still happening, but when I watch the news of riots on American college campuses by 20 and 21 year olds who want the whole nation of Israel wiped off the planet and their own college loans cancelled (though they don’t seem to be going to class) and taxes abolished, I wonder if Twain was wrong about the age at which people wise up. Maybe it’s 40 now.
So far, I have found aging peaceful. I no longer try to change people, having learned that it doesn’t work. I no longer try to keep up with trends — by the time I get the trendy thing, it’s not the trendy thing anymore. I’ve never been a people pleaser, and I’m even less of one now. I find it more relaxing to be kind without trying to meet other people’s expectations.
So far, then, this age, which, as I always say, is none of your business, is a pretty good age to be.
