Reading or watching the news these days makes me think I should stop talking completely to avoid expressing anything in “offensive language.”
I agree that we shouldn’t use offensive language. But the problem is that too many people are offended now by everything they hear, especially the truth! It’s hard to know what to say and do to totally avoid offending these sensitive snowflakes!
Awhile back a college fraternity in another state was closed down for chanting truly racist slogans on campus. I agree with that.
Another university proposed removing the American flag from its campus because it offended non-American students. Supporters of the proposal said it would make the university appear to be more “tolerant of diversity.” I don’t agree with that.
I assume that the non-American students knew they were coming to America when they told their folks goodbye, that they left their countries on purpose, that they were not hogtied and forced into the USA at gunpoint. (Can I can say “hog” tied without offending hogs?)
I also assume that they had been graciously accepted by the American university that was flying an American flag when they got here, that they understood that they were taking up spots that could have gone to American students, and that they could read a map well enough to know that the school they applied to was not in their own country.
I’m puzzled as to why foreign students would expect their host country to retire the flag in gratitude for foreign students coming to the US for an education.
I recently realized that this new phenomenon of offense-taking has even spread to the animal kingdom!
I overheard some of the neighborhood canines conversing the other day. (Yes, I speak Dog and can understand most of their conversations if they enunciate clearly and aren’t chewing on a dog biscuit while talking.)
As you know, dogs keep up with current events by listening to their masters, watching TV and reading the newspaper while they are relieving themselves on one.
This particular group of pups didn’t realize I understood their language and yipped candidly in front of me that day.
“We need to get in on this trend,” said one big German shepherd. “We of the canine species have plenty to be offended about, you know. Humans use us dogs to make a lot of bad points.”
“Yeah, said a boxer from across the way. “They treat us like dogs! We can’t let them get away with it!”
A snooty but articulate schnauzer agreed. “Just think about all the things they say that denigrate our very nature and existence,” he said.
The Heinz 57 from down the road didn’t know what “denigrate” meant, but he didn’t like the sound of it.
“Yeah,” he growled. “I hear humans say somebody is as “lazy as a dog.” Or that somebody else “lies like a dog.” I’m not lazy and I don’t lie!”
“Well, to be truthful, you are and you do,” snorted the AKC registered schnauzer, looking down his nose at the Heinz mutt. “But that’s no reason to stereotype all of us dogs as lazy liars.”
The Heinz didn’t know what “stereotype” meant either, but it sounded like an insult. He growled up and down an octave or two, just to show his willingness to fight Denigrating and Stereotyping if they came up and challenged him in a dark alley.
“It has always insulted me when humans call somebody a ‘low-down dog’ or call the worst time of the year ‘the dog days of summer,’” said a soft-spoken dachshund new to the neighborhood.”
“Ah... you are kind of a low down dog, though, aren’t you?” questioned a Yorkshire terrier observing the dachshund’s low-slung stature. “My own gripe is hot dogs,” he continued. “I think they’re bad for your health, and I resent them being named for us. Why couldn’t they call them ‘hot cats?”
The German shepherd chimed back in. “I’m also tired of the Stupid Pet Tricks,” he announced. “Sitting up may be cute to humans, but it doesn’t do a dog-gone thing for my reputation as a fierce guard dog.”
The Yorkie was ready for action. “I say we teach these humans a lesson!” he growled. We’ll go on strike until we get our way! No more guard dog duties, no more pointing at birds, no more shaking hands, uh, paws, until humans clean up their offensive language!”
The dogs voted to strike and marched off to tear up a few garbage sacks in a protest.
What’s next? I thought. Cats going berserk when they hear “there’s more than one way to skin a cat”? Pigs that go on a rampage when they hear “You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear?”
I would say we’ve created a monster here, but I’m afraid to say the word “monster” anymore.
Monsters probably have a political action group now that will sue me for taking their name in vain.
