Being an only child myself, I’m getting a little tired of the misconceptions I read about us in those pop-up online articles.
I keep reading that only children are lonely, spoiled and unsocial. Humph. I resent those assumptions, though I realize that there can be some disadvantages to being the only child.
The main drawback in my case was the lack of anyone else to blame for the trouble I could get into by myself. Everything was my fault. I couldn’t say, “I think my brother did that,” or “Sister deserves a good whipping for that!” Nope. When a mess came to light (after I had tried really hard to hide it) parental heads swiveled in my direction.
I did try to blame the dog a few times. As various dogs were adopted into our household, they quickly learned to hide when things went south, which they frequently did. They developed that trick of rolling their eyes like teenagers when I accused them to my parents.
“Skippy must have hidden those old pizza crusts under my bed. I’m sure I didn’t do it!” (Eye roll from Skippy.)
“Mom, I didn’t make that mess! That darned Blacky dragged all my dirty clothes out of the hamper and wadded them up on the floor!” (Eye roll from Blacky. ) Mom mutters, “Oh brother,” a relative I didn’t have but who would have come in handy at a time like that.
But other than having to bear the blame for everything I did wrong, I thought singleness was a pretty good position to be in.
I didn’t experience the loneliness people worry about with an only. Being alone taught me to entertain myself with reading, writing and hobbies. I wasn’t unsocial either. When I wanted company after a morning of stuffing pizza crust under my bed, I scrounged the neighborhood and commandeered playmates. But I could leave them and return to my peaceful room when solitude began to call me.
And somebody forgot to give my parents the memo about spoiling their only child. I didn’t get everything I wanted. Not even close. And I didn’t rule the roost. Mother and Daddy seemed to think that roost-ruling was in their job description, not mine. But ruling the roost when they were at work gave me great practice at making my own decisions.
Plenty of other advantages come to onlies. They tend to be more self-reliant and responsible because they don’t have siblings to tell them what to do and how to do it. They have time alone to develop skills and learn who they are without having to defend their territory 24/7.
They learn to make their own decisions and mistakes, and unless there’s a convenient canine around, they learn to take responsibility for their actions.
They also tend to achieve more in life because, as with first-borns, their parents pin all their hopes on them, talk to them more, and expect them to accomplish more because the only other being they can expect success from is the dog.
Maybe that’s why the majority of US presidents and Fortune 500 CEOs have been either only children or firstborns.
Okay, so I didn’t become the president of anything, but that’s probably the dog’s fault too.
You parents of onlies also have advantages. Think how many diapers you didn’t have to change and how many teacher conferences you got to skip if you only had one kid!
And think how much cash you saved! Having multiple children means buying racks of clothes, since no modern kid wants to be seen in hand-me-downs. It means supplying a bevy of cellphones, laptops, cheerleader uniforms, Kiddie Meals and cars. And the older ones take off in those cars and won’t answer those cellphones when you call to ask them to come back and babysit. And with four or five kids, you could be paying college tuition for 20 years straight!
I enjoyed being an only child so much that I had an only myself, not realizing at the time that “Go forth and multiply” might apply to me. When our son asked once why he had no siblings, I told him that when you get the perfect child first, it’s counter productive to try again. Kid #2 could be a dud.
He seemed satisfied with that response and went on to develop the only-child abilities to make his own decisions, take responsibility for his actions and achieve success in life without having to rely on somebody else backing and bankrolling him.
My mother so much as told me once that I was the reason that I was an only child. I’m sure she meant that they knew they had produced the perfect child on the first attempt.
So kids, if you’re growing up as an only child, take heart. It’s a great position to be in. There’s nobody to steal the french fries out of your Kiddy Meal, nobody handing down their smelly old sneakers to you, nobody short-sheeting your bed and nobody to split the inheritance with.
Just be sure you keep an unsuspecting but guilty looking dog around for backup.
