It’s been about a month and a half now since some Simpson County parents bid their kids goodbye and sent them off for their freshman year in college.
Some did that with a hardy handshake or a hug and a “Good luck, son. See you at Thanksgiving.” Then Dad goes back to mowing the lawn and Mom goes back to stuffing the last load of wet towels into the washer. Life goes on.
But for other moms and dads, it wasn’t so easy. If your entire life and identity have been wrapped up in being Bubba’s Mom or Bubbetta’s Dad for the last 18 years, the college separation thing can be excruciating.
I was somewhere in the middle when our only child took off for Ole Miss some years ago.
It didn’t bother me at first. We followed him to Oxford in our car to help him get all the essentials to his dorm. His roommate and his mother caravaned up with us. We got them unloaded that afternoon and came right back to Magee.
I was excited for him. I went back to work and waited for him to come home for Labor Day in two weeks. In my mind, it was as if he was at camp and would soon be back home. He indeed came home for the three-day weekend, and we had a fine time hearing about his new, exciting world.
Then I woke up on Labor Day and realized my kid wasn’t home from camp to resume his life in Magee. He was packing to leave that afternoon for his new college life four hours away and wouldn’t be back for weeks!
I went into a deep depression! My life as “David’s Mother” was over! How would I survive? What would I do with my time?
I waved bravely as he headed down the driveway, but I teared up pretty often in the next two weeks.
Then, I noticed that I wasn’t doing as much laundry. His dad and I didn’t have to drive to Jones County every Friday night for a football game, and I didn’t have to cook any more!
Hey, I thought. This is not so bad! I’ve got my life back!
I understand that it’s not that easy for some parents who suffer from ENS— Empty Nest Syndrome. Like your child was an egg that you’ve been sitting on happily for 18 years and now he’s hatched out and flown off.
Symptoms of ENS are a constant longing, a desire to wash a load of dirty gym socks, and a feeling that life isn’t worth living if you can’t go to your kid’s football games and cheer for #79 any more.
But there’s hope, ENSers. There are ways to feel better when your little eggs fly the coop.
First, count your blessings.
Your time is your own again. No more running back and forth to Bubba’s activities. No more staying up waiting for Bubba to come home. Oh, he’s staying out all night with shady company at college, but you won’t know it, so get over it!
Also, you can reconnect with your spouse— you know, that other adult who lives in the house with you that you haven’t noticed much since 2007 because you were too busy being The Coolest Parent? Use your new free time to catch up on what’s been going on with that person for the last 18 years.
And don’t worry about what to do with the rest of your extra time. You’ll need to take on a second job to pay Bubba’s college bills. Tuition, transportation, housing, food (cafeteria food, fast food, snack food, party food) and campus parking tickets don’t come free, you know.
A third job will take up the rest of the time you would have mooned around between midnight and 5 a.m. feeling lost, and the extra income will enable you to pay Bubba’s fraternity dues, his road trip expenses, his calculus tutoring and his pricey all-sports pass.
It’s not like he won’t visit you. You can expect him home the first time his laundry basket overflows.
You can text him every 15 minutes, or, if you’re really desperate, you can do what many parents are doing now: buy a condo in your child’s college town. Go up every weekend and just go through the whole fun college experience with him!
College students who are trying to gain their independence do love Mom and Dad showing up every Friday for a little more quality family time. And to make sure their little “eggs” have everything they want, of course.
While you’re there, you might want to drop in on his instructors to tell them how you want Bubba to be treated in class. After all, your kid isn’t like these other commoners!
Finally, just remember that the college years don’t last forever. If you’ve raised him right and made him dependent enough, Bubba will be right back home when he graduates after four (or five, or six) years at the old alma mater to live several more years with you because he’ll be hard pressed to get a job right out of college that will support him in the style to which you’ve made him accustomed. And he still needs you. Right?
So take heart, empty nesters. That little egg will flop back into the nest before you know it!
