Spring is in the air, and so are baseballs.
If you’ve driven past a sports park in the county lately, you’re aware that the youth baseball season is in full swing— the crack of the bat, the pop of a fly ball caught in a new glove, the smell of the concession stand popcorn.
Yep, it’s that time again, and I’m noticing all kinds of online advice to parents of young players—how to behave when your kids are playing, how to encourage them and so on.
Some of the suggestions are well meant like these: “It’s the coach’s team, not the parents’; ask how you can help but don’t be pushy; help the coach contact members about schedule changes and practice; volunteer to carry equipment or assist.”
Hey! Where have these writers been? Don’t they know that in America the game is run by the parents and the coach is supposed to be happy in the position of Unpaid Employee and Butt of Jokes? Why should you ask how you can help when you obviously know much more about baseball than some coach who is willing to work for nothing? He needs the benefit of your experience (gained when you watched a couple of Braves games on TV and bought a team hat.)
And how will that coach know how to guide your own little Aaron Judge if you don’t spend every practice on the field yelling suggestions into his ear?
With all the advice you’re having to give, Dad, you certainly won’t have time to waste contacting team members, lugging equipment or serving up snacks after the games. That stuff is for those without your baseball know-how!
And if you should lower yourself to help with the mundane chores, be sure to remind the coach of how helpful you’ve been when he’s deciding where your kid should play. Might as well get as much mileage as possible out of that charity work you do!
Another online suggestion for parents was —“When you signed up, you gave your solemn word to have your child at every practice and game on time, fully equipped and ready to play. Don’t let the other kids down by letting your kid goof off.”
Where does this guy get off implying that YOUR kid needs as much practice as the others? He’ll have to be late sometimes with all the other stuff he has going, and the coach can get over it. As good as your kid is, he can skip all the practices and just show up for games! The team is lucky to have him!
But on game day the advice article advocates that parents just let kids play and enjoy themselves. It says, “There’s only one Juan Soto, Dad, and he’s not your child.”
IS HE CRAZY? Your kid is out there to WIN! “Playing” has nothing to do with what needs to happen on that field if you want to retire one day in luxury, supported by a kid who went to the Show! Your retirement is made, if the coach will just get out of the way and let you handle your own rising major leaguer!
One article also suggests that you dads, pardon my French, shut up. “Don’t yell instructions to your kid. That’s what a coach is for,” says the writer.
Apparently, this writer never had any experience guiding children into athletic careers. Everybody knows that kids learn better and respond more quickly when you crouch down with your hands on your knees and yell obscenities at them! And if some spit shoots out when you’re yelling, Junior will respond even more quickly.
If Junior doesn’t respond to you in the “menacing crouch” position, try springing up into the air and brandishing your balled fists at him while you turn purple with rage.
Most youth baseball coaches don’t have this technique down well enough to really get the kids’ attention when they make a mistake, so you’ll need to demonstrate several times, preferably when your own kid is up to bat. No point in giving somebody else’s kid the benefit of all this encouragement. Unless, of course, they do something really stupid and their own dads don’t respond with enough violence to scare the kids back into proper responses. Then it’s okay to show him what you’ve got.
A final article I read offered some advice about the proper equipment for young players. The writer advised things like “A T-baller doesn’t have Major League hands and doesn’t need a Major League glove,” and “don’t spend $200 on shoes Junior may outgrow in two weeks.” Then, “don’t pop for a $200 bat until you’re sure your kid loves the game enough to stick with it.”
PU-LEEZE! This advice is wrong, wrong, wrong! How can a kid possibly learn to love baseball unless he’s better outfitted than any other kid on the field? How are the other players going to know that your Junior means business unless he has the real professional stuff?
So haul out that checkbook, parents, and hit the sports stores. You’ve got a major leaguer in the making, so you need Major League equipment right now to match your expectations for this future MLB giant!
