*This is the final in a series of articles on breast cancer in recognition of October as Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Bob Laird is currently taking chemotherapy treatments.
According to the American Cancer Society statistics are very low for a diagnosis of breast cancer in men, 2,800 in 2025. Bob Laird from Morton, MS, happens to be one of those 2,800.
Laird, 68, graduated from the University of Southern Mississippi and enlisted in the United States Army, where he served four years. “After returning stateside I got recruited by the FBI to work counterintelligence. I retired out of New Jersey and came home to Morton.” There Laird took a position with the Mississippi Department of Education to be the State Director of School Safety following the Pearl High School shooting.
He retired from MDE in 2016 but continued to work part time as a substitute teacher, police instructor and aerial photographer for the Civil Air Patrol. Laird says, “My new hobby is full time pawpaw and going to the doctor.”
This past summer Laird discovered a lump in his left breast. He already knew the signs as wife Roxie was a mammography technician for 20 years. He scheduled a mammogram through VA Community Services at University of Mississippi Medical Center. An ultrasound and biopsy were performed the same day. “It was determined I had bilateral breast cancer, and a pet scan indicated it had spread from an undiagnosed stomach cancer. Stomach cancer is hard to diagnose because it is asymptomatic for a very long time.” Laird was told both cancers were Stage 4.
Laird is scheduled to have chemotherapy every other week lasting four hours at a time. The last two treatments have been postponed because of side effects. The medicine is very strong, leaving Laird with a side effect of extreme cold sensitivity for up to four days after. “Cold drinks feel like razor blades to the throat.” In addition he experiences fatigue, muscle weakness, peeling skin and loss of appetite. The good news is that even with postponements the chemo Laird had has stopped the spread of cancer and shrunk the breast lump. No determination has been made yet regarding surgery.
Laird also explained, “The costs of chemo can be devastating. Even with insurance or Medicare the patient may still pay 20 percent of $15,000 per infusion. Fortunately as a veteran, the VA pays 100 percent. I tell kids it’s worth serving six years in the Guard just so you will have lifetime healthcare.”
On a lighter note, Laird said that daughters Ashley and Jordan took over the responsibility for his care. “They don’t trust me to tell them the truth. Roxie says I deserve it.”
Laird has a most positive and joy filled outlook on this stage of his life. He will not allow the diagnosis to direct his day to day living. Initially he kept the information to himself, thinking about taking care of his family and all that entailed. “I went ahead and discussed it with Roxie and the kids, emphasizing not to buy trouble till we know the full details. Interestingly I skipped all five phases of grief and went straight to acceptance.
“People react to things based on their personalities, experiences, and training. I’ve been trained to recognize an issue, plan to fix it and implement the solution. My faith has really been my strength. God speaks loudest at 2 a.m. when you can’t sleep. I haven’t asked God for healing, I just asked him to let me make a difference, and He delivered. I’ve had a wonderful, blessed life and a very short bucket list.”
Ashley Laird Rhodes keeps her Facebook community updated on her father’s cancer journey, speaking about Laird’s strength, perseverance and joy throughout. She shared a story from an early treatment visit when on the way home he stroked his beard and hair came out in his hand. Laird said, “I showed it to the girls saying ‘I guess it’s starting’ and went to drop it and Jordan screamed ‘DON’T DROP IT IN MY CAR!!! I was deeply touched by her compassion. Ashley almost passed out on the back seat laughing. Thanks for the prayers and good thoughts. The adventure continues.” Five days later Rhodes’ daughters shaved Laird’s head.
Affectionately referred to as Papa Bear, Rhodes also posted a photo from a chemo visit that was ultimately cancelled; however, that made no difference to Bob Laird. He was dressed as a clown with Ashley and Jordan playing the roles of Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb.
Laird explained, “I naturally study people’s behavior. I noticed patients were unusually quiet and introverted. Staff was courteous but subdued. I started thinking it might help to jazz it up a bit and since out of the box thinking is my specialty, I wondered how they’d respond to a clown patient. Ordered a clown outfit and wore it to my next chemo and was shocked at the smiles, laughs and conversations it generated. Had to go to four different nurses stations and had numerous pictures taken. Then I realized just what a blessing it was for me.”
He and Roxie make weekly trips to Strong River Villa Assisted Living to visit his mother-in-law, Bea Phillips. “Roxie and Rhoda reviewed facilities from Forest to Collins and settled on the Villa based on facilities, location and the local hospital geriatric program. As a son-in- law, she still intimidates me!” “Rhoda” is Roxie’s sister, Rhoda Benton.
In discussing final treatment, Laird said, “We’ll either go into remission or we won’t. That’s God’s call. I look at what time I’ve got (long or short) as a gift to enjoy and be thankful for. As long as treatment helps me live well I’ll continue; when just to extend life hurts I’ll accept it.”
And Laird’s final comment, “My favorite quote— ‘Hard times are like constipation; they will pass.’”
